Humor - Pinoy

SIR      :   Inday, c Sir mo 2.. nabangga kotse ko and i nid cash!
INDAY  :  Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR      :  Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY  :  Hoy! Si Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!
 
 
TEACHER :   Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY         :   hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER :   e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY         :   lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER :  baket naman?
BOY         :  malalaglag po salamin ko.
 
 
Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext....
PEPE  :  Tol! pasa load naman!  2pesos lang, my katxt lng me.
Tol      :   cge. w8 lng. (message sent)
Pepe   :  Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol      :   Tado! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa ko sayo!!!
Pepe   :   k.
 
PATIENT :  doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken bone! .
DOC       :  is it choking?
PATIENT :  it's max's chicken.
DOC       :  i didnt mean chowking...i said, r u choking?
PATIENT :  no.. im serious!

A priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest    :   anyone got a bird?
                all men stood up.
Priest    :   i mean, any1 seen a bird?
                all women stood up.
Priest    :   i meant any1 seen my bird?
                all nuns stood up.

ATTY       :  Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe
                 d2 sa korte ang taong nang-rape sayo?
INDAY     :  maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK :  cge!!!!...mang-asar ka pa!!!!

dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre1   :  diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla...
                 d nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa.
Madre2   :  ay! yung sakin marunong!!!!

Dentist & Lady Lover....
Dentist      :   we have 2 stop seeing each other...halata na tayo ng mister mo.
Lady Lover :  but we love each other!
Dentist      :  oo nga...but were running out of excuses....ISA NA LNG IPIN MO!

BOSS       :  lintek na ibon 2!! iniputan ako!
Bodyguard :  sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper...
BOSS       :  wag na!! pano mo pa mapupunasan un e
                   nakalipad na?! tanga!!!  bobo!!!

Arab being interviewed at US immigration:
Q :  ur name pls..
A :  abdul aziz
Q :  sex?
A :  twice a week....
Q :  i mean male or female?
A :  doesn't matter....sometimes even with camel...

Patient    :   dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya
                  naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...                                        

Doc        :   e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient    :  d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap...

Anak      :  Dad, totoo bang may side effect ang viagra?
Tatay     :  tanga! sa harap effect nyan hindi sa side!!!!

Wife        :  honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband  :  Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit namn dede mo e..
Wife        :  (taas ang kilay) e baket ikaw nakabrief?!!